If you're using shop bough sausages, then score down each sausage with a sharp knife and peel them open like the grotesque pork surgeon you are. Empty their entrails into a bowl and mush together with your disgusting little hands.
If you're using sausagemeat, then stick a reasonable amount into a bowl too. The mushing has already been done for you.
Get a fist full of ground up pig and form tight meatballs somewhere between golf ball and tennis ball size. I don't know what that means, I play neither. But you know what I mean, you can guess what's going on here.
If you've got some dough cutters you can oil them up and pack the sausage balls into disc shapes. They're going to piss away a lot of fat (and probably water if they're shit quality) so be generous.
If you don't have a biscuit cutter thing then just smoosh them freestyle into disc shapes. FFS try to make them roughly the same size as your buns. A bit bigger is better.
Once done put on an oiled plate or tray and put them in the fridge. Your clammy mitts will have them warm. They need some time to work through their feelings.
When its time heat a frying pan up to a low-medium heat and put the sausage discs in.
Leave untouched for a few minutes. See notes.
After a few mins, flip them and leave again.
By this point they'll have sweated a tonne of porky juice everywhere. Leave it.
Move patties to the side of the pan or remove them altogether, a little rest wont hurt them.
Fry eggs to your liking in the pig tears.
Toast buns. See notes.
Assemble.
Consume.
Feel shame.
Tips
Sausages are, by their very invention, full of shit. It's not all bad, but it is rarely good. They're not supposed to be made from prime cuts of posh pig bollocks or whatever. They're supposed to be a way to use up the bits that the butcher can't sell or the poor people can't afford. Embrace it. But as such they are often pumped with water to look good. Although not bad for you, it's a way for Big Sausage Corp to rinse you of your money.
When frying, try not to be a chefy dickhead and disturb them. If they stick, then just wait. You want them to have some crisp. We're not making sweaty arm-pit warmed Maccies breakfast. We're making an honest to god masterpiece.
When toasting your buns (lol) heat up a dry pan. Either butter the cut side of the bun lightly or even spritz it with one of those naff spray oils that look gross. Put that side onto a hot pan. Remove when toasted to your liking.
